I noticed there has been a plethora of
items in the news about college students being frightened by chalk.
Since the best disinfectant for fear is the bright light of
knowledge, I thought it was about time that someone perform a public
service and provide a guide for these frightened youngsters about
chalk. After all, they are the generation that grew up with white
boards and expo markers. Erasers cleaning and clouds of white residue
that you don't want up your nose is a strange thing to them. As a
well known expert on nothing, I thought “Hey! With the help of
Google and the power of Gaia, Goddess of the Earth, I can do that!”
So here we go.
According to Google and Wikipedia, the
chalk that the average aspiring college graduate (AACG) is most
likely to encounter is something like this:
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| From Amazon |
Just a little scary no? I can imagine
that when encountered in the wild, it can be quite frightening. So
let's break it down a little. The average chalk that you get from
Amazon or your street corner dealer is mostly Calcium Carbonate. What
exactly is calcium carbonate? The dorks over in the chemistry
department actually call it Carbonic Acid Calcium Salt (CCaO3). Its
molecule (very tiny piece of it) looks like this:
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| Courtesy of NIH |
Now most of the AACGs reading that will
think, “cool! Acid and a Bath Salt.. I bet we can get a good buzz
off of that”. <Sigh> No, it really will won't do anything for
you. In fact here's another image if CCaO3 you might be more familiar
with, given your perchance for late night debauchery:
 |
| Amazon Again! |
Now I realize all this hard science
might be scaring the AACGs right now. After all, there is a reason
they went for an Ivy League PhD in Interpretive Dance. So let's talk
a little about where chalk comes from. Like most natural occurring
compounds, it mostly is dug out of the ground in big holes :
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| UK Geo-Hazards |
By burly man like this:
 |
| Sugar Bear from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo - yes - he works in a chalk mine - Google It! |
That's no reason to be scared of it.
Beyond big mining raping mother earth to give color sticks to small
children who write horrible things on the sidewalk just outside your
dorm! And scary redneck uneducated white men!
Ok, ok. Let's move on the what Chalk
isn't.
First of all it is not this:
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| Yep! Amazon Again! |
While you found those tasty in your
“AUD4 – Regressive Toddler Experiences” course, they are not
crayons. If you do decide to eat chalk, it will not leave you wanting
more, nor will it satisfy that empty place inside you because your
mommy loved your daddy more than you. No, chalk is definitely not a
consumable.
That's not to say that there are not
edible things that look like chalk. Take these for instance:
 |
| Amazon! Who Knew! |
Unlike e-cigs all your friends are
smoking, you can be really scary (and ironic) and pretend to smoke
those. They look like evil tobacco, yet when examined up close,
resemble the terrifying chalk. That's as bad-assed as a nipple
pierce.
It also is not sentient. Unlike guns,
chalk will not jump out of the box on it's own and maim and kill
bystanders who are unwise enough to glance in it's direction in a
death dealing spray of of pure evil. Now how do I know this? I
conducted an experiment. I took a piece of chalk and laid it out on
my porch. Here's a picture:
I left it there until the next day.
Here's a picture of it the next day:
Yep! It's still lying there. Unmoved.
Like a rock. No – that is not the same picture just reversed. I am
a lauded self-certified blog writer. How dare you question my
integrity! So what did we learn from this experiment? First off, I
should have gotten a government grant before doing this. If the
government is willing to pay half a million dollars to study shrimp
on a treadmill:
who am I to turn down a few bucks to
determine if big rocks, that are ground down, colored, and smushed
into sticks turn into intelligent entities.
Secondly, we see that chalk when left
alone will lie around and do nothing. That's something that the
average ACG can get behind! So see, you have more in common with
chalk than you realized. As you learned from that 'ABN3 – Staring
at my <nether regions>' course you took to fulfill your Empathy
requirement, “togetherness starts with being you”.
On that note, I will wrap this up.
After all, I am not getting paid to write this and most of the AACGs
stopped reading up there where I mentioned 'bath salts'. For those
still reading, I hope this will help you be just a little less
frightened of chalk next time you encounter it in the wild. With a
little understanding, and a lot love, we all can coexist! Peace On! No.. Peace Out!
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| http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ |
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