Sunday, April 6, 2014

A little help from my friends

So I was browning the internet this morning and was shocked awaked when I heard this amazing pontification by a nearby Virginia congress critter noting:

A lot of members can’t even afford to live decently in Washington
I was shocked! Those poor bastards! The sacrifice everything to campaign for years and years. They then are finally able to scrape up enough votes to get sent to do a thankless job in far away Washington D.C., and they find that they can't afford to live there decently. As if anyone could get by on the piddling salary they are paid. Perhaps they are just not familiar with the area and are making some bad choices. After all, they could be needlessly sharing boxes over heating grates on the national mall with homeless guys when, with a little knowledge they could be just a bit more comfortable.

Being the helpful guy I am, I decided to do a little research to see if I could find some decent digs for the destitute congress persons. First, we need to find a nice place to stay.  Since they obviously are living in cardboard boxes given that they are getting by on just $174000 per year, maybe they could check in here:

Goolge Street View - 425 2nd Street NW
It's Mitch Snyder's CCNV shelter located just steps from the capitol building. I know, that may be just a bit dangerous for a congress person. Did you know that as Federal Employees, congress persons may qualify to live in family housing at the nearby Bolling AFB? Yeah, the housing for the military isn't the grandest digs in the world. Take this rat hole for instance:

From Bolling Military Housing site

Yeah, that's probably a bit too lowbrow for them. Perhaps they could look into a nice B&B via air BnB. Let's see what's available around the capitol:

Air B&B Sites - Washington DC
Well there sure does appear to be a lot of options for a congress person to lay their weary, bill writing, filibuster breaking heads does there? But perhaps these locations, are not decent. Let's take a look:
A really nice place

Yes, that is certainly not a hell hole and just a little more substantial then the cardboard boxes these poor folks are used to living out of. But what is the cost? Well actually it's $125 a night with a cleaning fee of $50. Now let's say that congress is in session 160 days a year, and assuming the poor creatures would need to sleep over all those nights, that would be a cost of about $20,000 per year! That's like 12% of their whole salary! How can they live like that? How will they afford to get their tuxes cleaned for all those swanky cocktail parties they have to schlep to?

Which brings up a good point. Congress persons don't live on cocktail weenies and crackers alone. They do have to eat. Having worked in DC, I can tell you that it is not a cheap place to find nourishment. Here's what the current food truck situation looks like around the capitol:

Basil's Tyme sounds interesting. Let's see if it's in the range of what a starving congress critter can pay:

Yeouch! The congressional food stamps are not going to go very far eating like that! Maybe they should wonder out among the smelly tourist and ask for the 'Congressional Discount' at one of these:

I know, I know. They have their own cafeteria, but I imagine that like most cafeterias, the food is probably inedible. Here's a secret. Since they can barge into almost any government building they want, guess which government building located near the capitol has the best cafeteria? FBI? Nope - just imagine how plain the Hoover Burger must be. Treasury? The food taste good, except it has a lot of heavy metals in it that can be toxic. IRS? I guess it's ok, if you would like white bread as a side to your white bread sandwich. EPA? You don't even want to think about what they serve there. Nope, the best government cafeteria is the at the Agriculture Department. At least I have heard that's true. I have never been able to get in there at lunch as they guard their cafeteria like it's Fort Knox or something.

Well, I hope that helps! The last thing we want is our congress persons standing on 14th street holding up a sign like this just to have to eat:

Or, worse yet, going this route just to have enough to keep on legislating:

No, not that! Anything but that!

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